I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
