We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
