It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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