I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think my moral compass just broke
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
