He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
