just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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