Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
