Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
