Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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