Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
