my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
