I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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