I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize