hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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