i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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