Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize