This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
