I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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