Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
