guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
