Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize