he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
