I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Girls should come with a carfax report
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
