carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
