You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
