I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
