Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
