forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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