last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
