I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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