I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
