I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
