I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
did i walk over a car last night?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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