Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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