So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
