Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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