dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
