i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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