I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
