I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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