I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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