i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
