Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
