I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
