DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
