we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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