The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
