My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
