It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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