just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
