Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
