Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
