I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
