Apparently you make a good broom.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
