i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
