the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
