Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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