My first STD was from a foam party
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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