I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
