Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I currently don't understand fingers.
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