The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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