i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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