Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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