Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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