Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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