9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
