When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
