please come you make the beer taste better
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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