Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
