She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
