I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
