u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
