you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
