My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
a search helicopter?!
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
