uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
