I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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