i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
