Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
